I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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