i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
