I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
