My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
