I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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