Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
