Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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