Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
