Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
