She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
