The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
