You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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