I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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