Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
