the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
