I just saw a hot homeless man
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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