Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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