The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
