I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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