This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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