hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
