it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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