If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Welp...herpes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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