I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
