Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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