You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
