That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
