i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
