I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
