we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We are two peas in an std pod
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
