it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
