Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
did i walk over a car last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
