i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
