my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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