Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
