just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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