I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
