I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
