if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
