apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
