We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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