Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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