Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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