I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
honey bunches of taint.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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