I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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