Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My first STD was from a foam party
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
