I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
