Yo dont text me then not text me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
