and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
