Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
