I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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