He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
