If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
