the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
