omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
