I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
