For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
