Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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