Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
