arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
