fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I still have a little drunk in my system
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
