people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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