hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
