You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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