well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
