Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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