Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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