I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
