I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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