Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
