Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
