There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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