I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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