i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
