Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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